...straight from god honest heart,
I'm so sick of being the silent one,
eaten up dead inside, all of this is killing me.
I will not bare all these crosses and lies.
It all began as written first post of this blog,
we meet in one of Second life adult sex places,
one of her secret adult stripper alts,
took me by storm and conviction,
at the time seemingly a granted prayer.
Did not take many hours
until we brew the perfect storm,
she blew my mind over and over again.
Almost immediately we began to spend every waken
and even sleeping hour together over the phone and skype.
We where inseparable, perfect couple, steps away from marriage.
She let me into her whole world, virtual and real life,
became the one I could die for her
She could not face her own insecurities and past,
Later I was gagged, controlled and caged
sworn to silence and secrecy,
everyday living as a couple,
her own family that I counted as my own,
lived just outside there house in a mini house,
was all around me virtually as well as real life,
as we cammed and was so close, shared everything
even working online in second life with kittycats on vygg,
along side her mother and father in second life,
forced me at times not even allow me to talk to them,
wanted me even to play gay so they dont notice,
everything breaking me down to my knees,
forced me to live trough her own double life
of her highly religious family.
her two face mannerisms telling me
this is only for online, nothing real life,
on the other hand she talking true love,
saying cant live without me and loved me.
I always go by heart, I'm to kind for my own good,
I granted her wish feeling like the only women in the world,
because that's what my true love does,
I walk trough fire and hell to meet you there every time !
I not only listen I'm there where you are every single time !
Even used my real address to order sexy outfits.
She always said "I dont listen" ,
sadly she was the one who did not.
She forced her self to push me away,
going against every grain of the truth,faith,hope and heart,
By doing this she pushed me into literally insanity,
she ripped my heart out of my chest,
crushed my soul and its now lost to me.
I literally lost everything, I'm standing alone.
I can carry your crosses,
but I will not carry your lies and secrets,
guess a liar and cheat always one,
and nothing but trouble, just heartless, sending me straight trough hell...

...no one hits like you,
Charlotte your words stills beats me under,
cutting me senseless without being around,
moving on but I need stitches,
all twisted rattling down to my core,
a ghost in my eardrum stalking my senses,
get out of my head, you have sentenced me to hell,
your used me in ways making angels drop there wings,
demons would crawl back under rocks in honor,
your nothing but a black widow left me for dead.
Wander alone trough this hell...

...its over, but every part of me wants you back,
you completed me in ways only miracles would do,
made everything we touched bloom,
even our fights made us grow even heavenly higher.
The reason I keep holding on, in you found a broken angel
that sang worlds sweetest melodies,
your eyes opened up the heavens, gave me everything.
Your truly gorgeous within and out, no comparison.
All around us gave us purpose and finally a good home.
 Now, lost faith in hope, prayers broken to all deaf ears,
angels may still sing but without you, I cant hear them.
No matter how estrange and terms of the relationship was,
all that was you fulfilled my life to the brink,
now feels like I cant live without it.
just left with stale empty space....

.....just dry, in agonizing heart pain,
warm tear drops linger in the corner of my splintered eyes,
my faith stands laughing at me, letting my soul scream.
She came at the right time, a perfect bond left destroyed.
Seeing only strangers walking blindly along now,
like Im the last man on this earth, left without a home.
Supposed to be in true love, dancing in fields of flowers,
but now all cards falling down, my house all gone.
The silver linings of time and space withers,
my heart greyed out, crossing lines and every sections,
heaven and hell closes up, no one opens up to me.
Everything splits into parts, mirrors foretell different stories,
haunting, crippling me, halting and freezes all my bones.
Memory of your presence echoes trough out my body,
surges of heavenly electricity soon to be gone,
everything I ever was and could be you robbed.....

..miss my heaven,
the way you moved,
missing the sun that is you...

nothing makes sens anymore,
waking up optimistic but
rollercoasters turn all upside down
and now I just want to spass out,
whiling, screaming and hit another wall,
never should asked them let me drive...

...missing how your gorgeous eyes
brought me down to my very knees,
stripping me of my every false pride.
Shattering every burden and chain away,
bringing glorious fire to my very soul.
Still feeling you grace percent as I goto sleep.
My true love bleeding endlessly,
all and everything is in high turmoil.
Can not phantom how much you really meant to me.
My creed,devotion and love to you where absolute total,
faith that brought us together casting me back into the abyss,
yet again key to the arms of bittersweet destiny.
Words can not describe or depict the love I still feel,
no likeness to anything, your being is truly unique.
A love I will never be able to feel again....

...the storm burnt my soul,
wings shattered very long time ago,
angel within me shaken to its very core.
Having hard time to embrace hope as I did before.
Deprived of faith, heart left ruined in ashes,
whispers echos beaconing me to arise once more,
not sure if we ever can put love in our father again,
love myself at all, lost in the eye of the storm,
not knowing who I ever was....

.....left wandering deep into my dreams,
all that I can truly call my own,
visions gifted before my births,
carries over from ages to ages,
my soul sprinting in circles,
trapped evolving to change,
running high and wild
chasing silverlinings,
shooting stars,
and lights.
to be one...

.....skies falling down,
my heart bleeding for the angel of mine,
stripped down and thrown lost in time.
Sadden down to my dry and hollow bones.
Visions of the future canceled out,
bleak memories echoes in the past.
Love everlasting stuck in loops of tridents,
haunting my very existence,
letting my soul wander alone,
wondering what heavens done......

" might be the last thing I write,
as my life hitted rock bottom,
Ive lost hope, faith and foremost love.
Dont have a penny to my name,
no food for the day, future is non existent,
can barely breathe, light on but no one is at home.
To fragile to reach the doors that layed before me,
even though can feel the pull, im to weak "
sign
my heart

......without you, my heart withers down,
frost slowly embrace all that it beaten for.
All roads blurs out, lost wandering in winter veil.
Trusted compass cracked, hardly can see the horizon.
Lights flickering out and dies every turn and direction.
Beasts and nightly wondrous creatures walking on the edges,
just out of my view, hearing my inner soulcry for salvation.
With every step I sink deeper and deeper into nothingness.
The former strenght and knowledge long forgotten,
laying finally down my weary body onto the hollow grounds,
stripped as an empty shell of a man, faith taking its true course.
Letting the welcomed darkness fall all around me,
my mind transcends between black and white,
vivid colors fades away by every lonely tear,
surrendering totally for shelter among angels
and misunderstood creatures alike....

....so hard to move on,
your soul has touched everything I can imagine,
as soon I close my weary eyes your
perfect silhouette dances in my broken mind.
Every step I take is going backwards,
its an endless remembrance road only about you.
 Still holding your gracious hand at night,
praying all to be different, hopefully wishing
angels hears our songs before it fades into nothingness.
Every whispers beaconing me to rise again,  be strong,
have hope, nothing ever left, fulfill once destiny.
You where my everlasting sunshine, so strong,
the very fire that guided my enigmatic soul to paradise.......

....Heart barely beating now,
seeking the silver lining that makes all the difference.
So I can lock eyes while seeking trough the crowds,
with the one and only that haunts me throughout time....

...you are my angel, 
you are always a work of perfect art, 
now just cold hearted, hiding away from me,
spectra of million faces, constantly changing
making me loose you again and again,
cant live with the darkness of my broken heart.
Echoes of my hope and faith is fading into nothing,
without once true love life ceases to exist.
Only when our true eyes collide in harmony,
I may begin to live yet again....

xoxo

....my hearts sunfire slowly fading out into nothingness,
every color fragmented before me, wandering alone again.
All out of focus as my splintered eyes loonging for its dreams.
Everything slowing down, bringing me down to my knees,
Sun in my face leading the way out of dimensions,
as a castaway into spiriling fabric of time and space.
The faint echoes of my true yearning love haunts my life.
pair of everlasting eyes that settle down my soul,
reflections of heavenly absolut perfection,
a single look that bursts my soul with glorious fire,
just as Ive seen them before, time after time, again and again...

..... smallest acts meaning so much,
all the little things I like to do, to makes us closer each day.
Showing that I care for you deeply like no other can,
express how perfectly beautiful you are each and every day,
always strive to make you feel like the only woman for me.

All the little things I like to do, that puts grace and love in your heart,
everlasting memories to inspire us, give us hope and more deeply in love.

Always notice your needs as you walk trough the door,
massage your neck after a strained hard day,
caring and compassionate listening to all that you have to say.

Always leave that little token of my undying love,
Might just be that little surprise post-note on the fridge,
reminding you how perfectly gorgeous you are or
that special ordered favorite candy by your bedside.

The little things that makes all the difference,
that I always pick up on when you need them the most,
the little things you hearts desires that makes me react without hesitation.

The gentle kiss on your neck each morning,
always smiling " good morning " as I set the table for my gorgeous.
Always be the one, who goes a step ahead to make sure you don't have to stress.

The little things that put you as my center of attention,
changes I gladly make for your happiness.

Every little thing leads me to you,
Passionately love you for ever.